Toddlers! Totally TERRIFIC. And truly capable and competent.
Oh what an astounding age. If we are slow on the uptake of increasing their opportunities to show how in charge and capable they can be, they will remind us. Over and over and over again until we get it right…or totally lose it…
The key? Including them in the process as much as possible.
Give them the opportunity and choice to:
~ Work on putting their clothes on, whether it’s the young toddler laying their sock over their foot, moving it off, laying it over, moving it off: “I see you are working at putting on your socks!” or the older toddler choosing which shirt to put on and which arm they want to put in first: “You chose the flower shirt! I wonder if you can put your right arm in a-l-l the way.” And then giving them the space and time to try, even briefly if time is of essence.
~ Help up at the counter mixing, pouring, tasting. Toddlers can crack eggs, scoop flour, pour liquids, knead, cut soft things with butter knives. The more you can include them the less likely theyʼll be hanging on your legs crying or whining. If you are doing something they cannot, offer them their own bowl and ingredients to work with—and find it within you to be okay with the mess.
~ Be in charge of their bodies—how they want to move, who or whether they want to hug, when they feel done with wrestling with you. Hear their version of “Stop!” and respect it. And the times you need to do something? “You really donʼt like it when I rinse the shampoo out of your hair. Letʼs do it quickly and then zip you out of the tub to dry off with your great big teddy bear towel. Are you ready?”
~ Do household chores with you—provide a child sized broom, let them push the vacuum, accept their help loading the washer or sorting the socks, give them a sponge and bucket for soaking up messes. Milk spilled? Great fun using a sponge and squishing it out over the sink. Dishes to do? Strip them down, put them on a chair, and give them soapy water and the non-breakables to wash and rinse and wash and rinse and wash and rinse.
~ Find out that you will keep your promise with a twinkle in your eye. Whether it is to stop them from hitting or biting and show them just what they CAN do or that you really will respect the choice they make that you’ve given them–that when you say, “When I am all done washing the dishes we can get the play-dough out” you WILL.
CHOICE!
It really is the key ingredient. All through their day. Choose between changing their diaper before you read two more books or after; between buckling themselves up in their car seat or having help from you; going outside NOW or after snack; wearing socks or staying barefoot; walking or running; singing or clapping; putting ALL the balls back in the basket or just the blue ones. Choices are essential and respecting their choice key. Even when THEIR choice was never part of the deal…”You really want the cookie. It looks yummy, doesn’t it? Let’s put it on a plate and tuck it up on the counter ready for you after you drink your milk or eat your apple…” (the original choice). And you follow through. Calmly. With appreciation for the BIG feelings that may erupt…
The more you can offer up simple choices and follow through, the more likely when choice just can’t be a part of things they will be far more cooperative…maybe. At least YOU will feel better about “having to do it” no matter how they feel, because of all the opportunity you DO give them!
Include your toddler in the process of life—whether dressing, eating, cooking, cleaning, loading in the car, doing errands, understanding feelings.
It is essential for building healthy, strong relationships and self-directed, capable, confident adults.
Toddlers are terrific! If you enjoyed this, you may like: No no NO! I Said NO.
With joy and appreciation,
Alice
Author of “Parenting Inspired” and “PAUSE: The Power of Parenting (and Living) with Calm Connection”
PCI Certified Parent Coach® and ScreamFree Certified Leader
©2018 Alice Hanscam