A story of wiggles for you…
A 6.5-year-old little boy. A favorite babysitter who picked him up from school EARLY so they could have an afternoon together before she went back to college. Lucky boy. Lucky babysitter!
And then the wiggles.
You know, the perpetual motion, jumping, kicking, “look at the karate I can do” as this terrific 6.5-year-old thrust out his arms, kicked his legs, and found himself on the other end of the room to turn around and thrust and kick and “do karate!” all over again. Then the mini-tramp and great big poof chair and the jumping, diving, plopping, rolling that they seem to invite. Even as invitations to make chocolate and banana pancakes were extended the wiggles took over.
Sound familiar? Maybe you even wonder if your child can even SIT still for any moment at all. Or maybe you hear from your child’s teacher how your child “needs to learn to sit still and listen better” or to “keep their hands and feet to themselves” or “he just needs to focus better…”
Back to my story. This little guy? After an hour of perpetual motion (including inhaling his banana/chocolate pancakes), of being given the respect and space and time for getting all his wiggles out, of focusing ON HIS WIGGLES (there’s that attention span–his focus was on movement, at length and with great intensity), he was offered up a maze book to read with his favorite babysitter and for the next 30 minutes there they were, stretched out on the floor, totally engrossed in mazes and stories, the only wiggles now being expressed by his toes as the two of them traced their fingers, laughed, studied their books.
And then downstairs they went to get lost in Lego building. The quiet, the focus, the creations. Again, focus, “sitting still,” conversation shared and delighted in. Together.
Why am I sharing this?
Because so many parents of young boys share their frustrations of the seeming inability of their little guys to focus, sit, listen.
They feel pressure from school to “get their kids to do so.” Teachers have greater pressure all the time to “get kids to sit still” so they can do their work. I’m not going to delve into the frustrations of all as we push academics down into younger years, but I do want to take a look at the wiggles…
I want to encourage each of you to look at the perpetual motion AS focused attention. Your child is putting all their attention on the movement they need the most.
This is to be appreciated and encouraged and given the opportunity it needs.
And I want to encourage each of you to look for those times your child DOES “sit still” and listen, focus on a quieter or more involved activity, get immersed in intricate Lego building or books or drawing or play dough or scissors or lining up cars or…
Look for it. Notice when this kind of “sitting still” happens–what precedes it, what your involvement is (if any), what captures your child’s attention the most.
My wiggle story? It is all about how essential movement is in order to foster the “sitting still and listening” many of us want more of.
And to acknowledge it AS focused attention can perhaps change how we view it. Instead of seeing it as displacing focused attention, we can now embrace it as nurturing focused attention.
Today, look to where your child involves him or herself fully. Whether it is movement or books or building or listening or testing you over and over and over (focused on getting YOUR attention!). Notice and appreciate the focus that whatever they are doing requires. Affirm it out loud when appropriate. Pay attention to what works to then move into the quieter focused activities.
Give your child lots of practice at and time with both–movement and stillness (and screen time does not count–it more often undermines the ability to sit and listen at length, truly. That’s another post to write!). Even if the “sitting still and listening” lasts just a few minutes, notice and affirm. What we focus on grows.
Back to the babysitter and 6.5-year-old. They said their good-byes to each other. Hugs and karate chops and promises of amazing pictures to be mailed back and forth. This parting of ways has gone on for 4 years…it is with incredible joy that I get to watch their relationship flourish. And to watch our 6.5-year-old friend grow himself in such wonderfully delightful ways!
Celebrate the wiggles today! And enjoy another wiggles post here: https://www.justaskalice.org/2018/05/21/noticed-and-appreciated-wiggles-and-giggles/
Alice
Author and PCI Certified Parent Coach®
©2018 Alice Hanscam