Recipe for Parenting Success, continued. Essential ingredients:
Being Bored and Empty Spaces.
Let your child be bored…instead of rushing in to fill their time with all the cool ideas YOU have (or chores or homework or whatever else is decided they need because they are bored…), PAUSE.
Consider Being Bored an essential ingredient for SUCCESS. It often creates the Empty Space so necessary for a child to reflect, come up with creative ideas, imagine, get lost in play or their ideas or a good book. It helps them discover all kinds of life skills from problem solving to thinking to greater self-awareness. And all of this? It makes YOUR job as a parent easier.
The trick to this ingredient? YOU. Being able to respect boredom as the valuable “empty space” it is. Being able to say to your extra whiny, clingy, “MOOOOOOM, I’m BOOOOOORRRRREEEED!” something along the lines of, “Oh? You’re bored. I wonder what you are going to do about that.” And then off you go focusing on all the million and one things you have to accomplish.
Really. That is enough. When they come back at you because they aren’t used to Being Bored, you get to twinkle your eyes at them and continue on with your job.
And when they STILL push push push for you to fill their Empty Space and “fix” their Being Bored, you might find yourself saying, “I remember being bored. I always had fun doing…I wonder what ideas you have.” or maybe you’ll say, “I need another half-an-hour to finish up my work. I’ll check in then and see how you are.” And because you keep your promises you do check in when you are finished with your work.
Being Bored. A key ingredient for the Recipe for Being a GREAT Parent.
Now add Empty Spaces that have nothing to do with Being Bored.
Empty Spaces (and this often includes lots of nature…always an essential ingredient!). Time for your child to just BE and follow their thoughts. You, too. You need Empty Spaces….
Here’s where I’ve noticed, appreciated, and definitely enjoyed this essential ingredient of recent:
~ The mama quietly following behind her 2.5-year-old through a local greenery. This little one was concentrating on run-run-running along the brick paths, stopping to gaze at all the color around her, touching flowers oh-so-gently AND with gentle reminders to do so, following the dog who watches over all those beautiful plants, stopping to study dirt on the ground, blooms that had fallen, and more. Appreciated? How mama quietly followed (creating an Empty Space for herself, as well), 100% tuned in. What a way to respect her little one’s exploration. I mentioned my appreciation and when mama said, “We have time to waste!” I HAD to respond with, “There is not a minute being wasted here. What a wonderful and important way to deposit into YOUR child’s fast growing brain and in-charge-of-herself self.” I just couldn’t resist because, well, so MUCH was being learned in this Empty Space of time mama was giving her toddler 
.
~ The 9-year-old boy, by himself, poking at the boat he made from old branches of a cow parsnip plant. He had collected the hollow and wide stems, tied them together with a bit of string, and was now testing his boat in the run off of melted snow down the culvert on his street. Lost in thought, considering ways to dam up this water to create a deeper pond, pausing to smile and tell me about his ideas. Appreciated? That he was lost in his play, immersed in all things science, and given the time and space to do so–explore his world, hands-on, creative, focused, problem solving. Oh so much being learned in THIS seemingly Empty Space!
~ A certain 7-year-old in my life. Drawing and writing endlessly. Time to do so at length in his home. A mama who intentionally limits “extra-curriculars” and “have-tos” many afternoons following school and gives her son the Empty Space of following his OWN whims (along with a snack, of course ). What unfolds? Total immersement in designing monsters and bird-like creatures, complete with scientific descriptions and stories to accompany. If one is lucky, one gets to hear his stories when he is ready. If one is REALLY lucky, one gets to HAVE one of his most incredible drawings. So much happening in this Empty Space given him most days--the creativity and imagination combined with fine-motor skills and artistry combined with language and story writing and scientific discovery…whew. And just think, with her son so immersed in his own imaginative self, mama has the opportunity to relish an Empty Space for herself (or get those chores done and dinner made…!).
All of this incredible discovery and learning because of what can seem like an Empty Space we adults need to fill.
THIS is an important ingredient in the Recipe for Success…
Our ability to let go of filling what seems to be a “wasted” space and trust what can unfold, instead.
And it can make your job as a parent easier.
Today, find an Empty Space to give your child. Know that as you give them this space to BE you are providing them with opportunities absolutely key for growing well. Even if that Empty Space gets filled with the loud, upset, or any other BIG feeling (like Being Bored…!), it is valuable. Really! Essential ingredient for growing well .
Find the entire recipe for your Parenting Success right here. And enjoy!
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2017 Alice Hanscam