Respect Feelings! And oh so difficult at times 
. A definite Essential Ingredient for our Parenting Success recipe!
Big, little, LOUD, volcanic, deeply felt, seemingly silly or unnecessary in our eyes. When a child is given the opportunity to FEEL, to have us name their feeling, and give them the safe and respectful place to express it, they can then more likely own it, understand it, and better manage it. 
And when they can better manage their feelings, all kinds of way-cool things can happen…
…self-awareness grows exponentially–ever so necessary to learn about themselves, what they like and don’t like, who they are, what their place is in the world, what makes THEM tick.
…they feel more in-charge of themselves–now that is empowering for a child! Confident and capable can lead the way because feelings are understood and appreciated.
…compassion for others grows; empathy is right around the corner. What a necessary quality to grow for healthy living. Empathy for another. It begins with us empathizing with them as they FEEL–however loud, big, volcanic, deeply sad, seemingly unnecessary…
...feeling more in control of themselves, they feel more secure. And with feeling more secure, they can now truly do the job of growing. Because growth takes feeling safe, in control, supported, for this growth? It often feels rather tumultuous…
...they can feel stronger from the inside out–truly what I believe we all want for our children. What better way to set them up for navigating hurt feelings, broken hearts, peer pressure to take drugs, have sex, drink and drive (whoa…ever thought about that as you look at your 4-year-old freaking out and you are exasperated as you tell them–“You don’t need to cry! Get over it!”?)
Respect Feelings. Here’s the deal, it requires us to manage our OWN upset, irritation, frustration, heart-felt sorrow as we help our children process theirs. And this is oh-so-hard at times, for those BIG and LOUD feelings really can push our button and feel so darn uncomfortable.
Things to focus on:
PAUSE. Calm your OWN anxiety, first. Consider for a moment as your child feels deeply, loudly, energetically. Pauses are ALWAYS helpful–and if it is hurtful behavior being shown as feelings are expressed, a pause can become a part of your stepping in quickly via your self-talk, it can be those deep breaths you take as you stop your child, it can be the moment you physically wrap your arms around them to stop the hitting or running or whatever is happening. Need help with this? See my books! Or ask
Name and affirm their feeling: “I can tell you are…” “You seem disappointed.” “It really hurts your feelings…” “That makes you MAD.”
Give choices with what they CAN do with feelings that are over-the-top and needing a more productive direction: “You feel really angry. I will stop you from hurting me. If you need to hit, let’s go hit the couch…pound the floor…”
And always, always follow through with the choices given.
Know that, as you work at staying calm and connected with your child no matter their upset, you are communicating to them they can count on you to keep it together even (and most especially) when they cannot. What a way for a child to feel safe and secure even in the midst of a big upset. What a way to grow TRUST in you, in themselves.
Respect Feelings.
A key ingredient and essential for a child to grow well, be in-charge and in control of themselves. To feel compassion and be compassionate. To have the inner self-awareness necessary to truly know themselves and to feel strong from the inside out.
Another essential ingredient can be found right here.
Here’s to you…
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2018 Alice Hanscam