Your child is anxious.

Maybe in the moment, maybe it is just a part of who they are. And you work hard at helping them to feel better.

Maybe you find yourself saying, “You’ll be fine!” or “Don’t worry about it.!  Or maybe you find yourself doing whatever YOU can to “make them feel better” such as distract them with a treat, or adventure with you, or a special toy, or time on a digital device, or or or…whatever it takes, because none of us want our children to feel anxious or struggle with anxiety.

Does any of this sound familiar?

I so appreciate Lemon Lime Adventures poster and article.  

 

Lemon Lime Adventures

When we PAUSE, calm our OWN anxiety over

our child’s worries, then we can step in from a truly relationship-building place.  

 

Asking questions. Listening. Exploring. Seeing their worries as something necessary and important–and now, like anything in our lives that is necessary and important, we respect those worries.

It requires us to let go of “solving” our child’s worry or struggle. So often our desire to “make it go away” and find a solution is much more about our own anxiety and discomfort over big feelings.  This anxiety and discomfort? It always comes from a place of deep care for and commitment to our child. Know this, for your feelings are equally important.

Yet, when we rush in to fix, we are communicating to our child we don’t have confidence in their ability to manage their feelings. We communicate that they need US to fix things for them. I think this can so often feed anxiety for a child–not feeling they can ever be in control of this worry, that it always requires another person solving it.

As you fast forward to teen years, this means the “other” they turn to may be someone who doesn’t have their best interests in mind. This may mean they turn to alcohol or drugs or screen addiction to “control” their worries.

I think we all WANT our children to grow into teens and adults

able to take charge of their lives, figure out what they want and need, manage their feelings and selves in healthy ways.

 

When we create that PAUSE for ourselves, focus on calming ourselves down, take time to see our child as the competent and capable soul he is and will become, think about what we want them to learn about themselves, take time to consider just what kind of teen/adult we hope they will be…

…we are more likely going to be able to step alongside our child and their worry and ask questions like Lemon Lime Adventures shares. We are more likely going to listen, explore, discover, partner with our child.

…we are more likely going to sit––with calm connection–alongside our child as they worry. Think. Talk. Cry. And this “sitting” alongside? It is key.

What a way to feel safe.

What a way for your child to actually be able to feel in control of herself. What a way to grow and learn from the inside out and with respect for who your child is. What a way to feel the comfort of someone willing to sit in the worry with you…keep it company…give it a place of honor for a bit…accept you and all your feelings.

And now your child can feel far more in control of himself. How cool is that? And maybe the NEXT round of (inevitable) worry or struggle will be just a bit easier, because they’ll have grown a bit more from the inside out, understand a little more about their feelings and what to do with them.

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Today, acknowledge and affirm your child’s worry or struggle.

Name their feelings. Ask them questions. Sit with them. Give them the space and grace of time and your company.

And give your SELF the same respect as you work through your worries and struggles…

Here’s to moving through today’s struggles in relationship building ways…

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

©2019 Alice Hanscam