A Papa shared this story with me of recent. It warmed my heart and delighted me–because he discovered how powerful a *simple* PAUSE can be. Here is his story:
“I want to share with you a moment of PAUSE:
My wife and our two boys (a toddler and soon-to-be-five-year-old) are just outside our kitchen with bedtime well past due–but everyone seems to still be doing well enough 🙂
I’m in the fridge and cleaning something spilled long ago–oh those sticky messes we can ignore for far too long! I had noted the half filled cup of milk on the top shelf, but alas–I still managed to make it topple from the shelf where it tipped and poured what quickly seemed much more than just half a glass… 
With a groan of dismay and the look-about for where to start in order to clean up this new mess, Mr. Nearly Five says, “Well you just wasted that milk.”
Tired after an eventful day, eager to be in bed myself, yet further away from that goal with this new found delay…I found all my self frustration was immediately misplaced and focused on Mr. Nearly Five. I was about to send him to his room with a finger already pointing at him when a PAUSE let me realize how misplaced that frustration was and allowed me to verbalize (finger now merely bobbing) “That was not a very nice thing to say…”
My wife finished the into-bed-shuffle and I got to think (while cleaning up my mess) on what my son had said and why it was so bothersome. I recognized he was using words both my wife and I have used when indeed the kids have been wasteful or things carelessly spilled. It was very nice to get to think on The What of what just happened rather than dwell on The How it played out–all because of my PAUSE.
Best of it all was being able to go say goodnight and talk over The What that happened with my Mr. Nearly Five Year Old who said he thought I did “a good job using my words” to tell him how I was feeling. He seemed to understand the difference between explaining that something is wasteful and recognizing when accidents happen–and how it’s better to ask if help is needed.
It was a proud parenting moment and in talking with my wife about it, the only word I had to describe it was ‘pause,’ Alice’s PAUSE.” (A Proud Papa)
Here’s what I want this Papa to know:
What a wonderful, meaningful story–thank you for taking time to share with me 
. PAUSE at its very best, for instead of a relationship-depleting moment, it became ever-so-relationship BUILDING. Both you and your son had an opportunity to grow just a little bit more and in such a respectful way–all due to a PAUSE that gives time for listening and learning. For BOTH of you.
Today, I encourage each of you to discover what works to create a PAUSE as you feel your buttons pushed, the heat rising, the finger pointing and you ready to scold, blame, holler.
Know that all my work centers around this life-skill–be encouraged as you peruse my work, take a look at my books, find yourself recognizing when YOU exercise your PAUSE muscle just a bit more. What we focus on grows 🙂
With JOY and appreciation to this Papa and all of you,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam