So you don’t have time to PAUSE.
How could you with toddlers, preschoolers, four kids under age seven, work, a missing parenting partner, activities, meals, fights, tantrums, laundry, the dog who just threw up a pile of grass on your carpet, car-seat struggles, missing shoes and wallets and keys and spaghetti boiling over as you rush to get the door, stop your kid from falling off the bookshelf he just climbed up…add whatever current chaos is in your life…
Whew. Who would EVER have time to PAUSE in the midst of real-life parenting?
Here’s the deal. Pausing is WAY LESS about slowing yourself down to create a pause and much, much more about how pausing slows your life down.
And it is more about emotionally and mentally slowing down, rather than physically, though both happen. And the best thing? It doesn’t require YOU to slow down, first. Let that sink in. You still can go a million miles an hour…
YOU do not have to do the work at slowing in
order to create a PAUSE and feel the
steadying power it can bring.
Okay. So how does this really work? Today, when all heck is breaking loose and your buttons are pushed to the max, let your sarcastic self-talk say--“HA. And Alice thinks a pause is possible…yeah, right.”
And guess what? You’ve just paused. You’ve just created a bit of “space” between what is really yanking your chain and the response you are going to give it.
Maybe you still yell. Lose it. Say “AARGH! JUST QUIT FIGHTING.” Maybe. But you’ve created a bit of space without even knowing it. And THIS is to be noticed. Appreciated.
And repeated, for what we focus on grows.
Go write the word “PAUSE” on sticky notes and put them in key places in your house. I put it on my bathroom mirror and microwave. Another parent stuck it in his car. No matter where, do it.
And now you’ll see PAUSE. And the sarcastic self-talk will flow. Then in time you’ll notice that you HAVE created a bit of space and in that space you actually cooled your heat a notch.
It will have made a tiny difference–inside you, initially, for despite the YUCK you will realize you are better able to handle it. To let it roll. To not hang onto it and go round and round in your head over how guilty you feel or how mad you are at your kids.
Then the magic starts to occur. Your KIDS will settle a bit
faster. Listen a bit more. Be less intense as they act out. Intense, but less so. To be appreciated, believe me.
Now you’ll discover less need for your house to be filled with sticky notes, because that word, PAUSE, will sorta flash in your minds eye like a lit-up billboard. It’ll make you chuckle, now. Less sarcasm. You’ll discover you take an extra breath. Or walk away briefly. Or just stay quieter as you still rescue your child from the bookshelf, wipe up the pile of grass your dog through up, turn down the heat on the stove, let the calls go to voice mail, maybe still struggle with car-seats and missing shoes, wallets, keys…
But you’ll be a bit quieter. A bit steadier.
And calm connection will emerge…and feel
really, really amazing.
Something else that counts–just think “PAUSE” during the easy times. When kids are doing well, things feel rather under control. NOW think about how pausing looks for you and how calm connection feels. It can be so much easier to practice pausing and parenting with calm connection when things are already good.
And it counts. It will exercise that PAUSE muscle. So when the hard comes? You are less likely to blow. More likely to actually let your pause muscle flex, your ability to step in more calmly lead the way. Talk about relationship-building. All done without having to slow down and find the space to pause.
Just start with the word itself. That’s all.
Here’s to you, living your very real life and working hard at parenting well.
Alice
Author of “Parenting Inspired” and “PAUSE: The Power of Parenting (and Living) with Calm Connection”
PCI Certified Parent Coach® and ScreamFree Certified Leader
©2017 Alice Hanscam