Positive, gentle discipline…what is it?
~ Guidance at its best—helping children grow and learn along their own developmental timeline.
~ Guiding calmly with words and actions over and over and over again. Practice! It is essential.
~ Focusing first on the positive influence you’d like to be, rather than trying to make your child behave.
~ Respectful of the processes growth and learning are; respectful of the relationship you are intending to build.
Dynamics of positive discipline…
~ Be clear with your expectations—give your child a clear framework from which to work and learn.
~ Offer choices that puts things in your child’s control as much as possible.
~ Follow through calmly and consistently with their choice.
~ Show and ask rather than direct and demand.
~ “No” is most effective when rarely used. Save your NO!
But what if they still don’t behave?!
~ Let the consequences do the “screaming” for you—let the results of their choices speak for themselves as you provide the understanding and calm presence necessary for your child to truly learn.
~ Allow space for your child to experience the result of his choice–a PAUSE on your part, often!
~ Know that your job is to influence (instead of control) your child in such a way that s/he can decide on their own to choose more productive and positive actions. This can take time…
~ Be ready to guide them through what needs to happen, with your calm, gentle connection leading the way.
What does this require of you?
~ Endless amounts of patience and stamina!
~ Humor, creativity, ability to let go, ability to PAUSE…
~ Self-care! Do something just for you often—even if just for a few minutes.
Phrases to help you along…
~ “It’s time to head in—are you going to march down our path or wade through the deep snow?”
~ “Looks like it is too hard for you to choose, so I will choose for you.”
~ “I’d be happy to listen to you/play with you when you calm down.”
~ “We sit on our bottoms at the table. If it is too hard for you, it means you are all done with your dinner.”
~ “When you use your regular voice, I can help you.”
~ “Hitting hurts and I will stop you. We use gentle hands and our words. What is it you’d like to say?”
What you can look forward to…
~ A child who is more likely to listen, have fewer struggles, be more willing to cooperate and collaborate.
~ Respect for and from your child–-respect grown because of your calm and connected self.
~ A positive, healthier relationship with your child…something we all want.
~ A child set up to grow as a self-directed, responsible person/future adult. How cool is that?
~ A more peaceful home! At least some of the time… :-).
Be the positive, gentle influence your child needs to grow in
healthy and relationship-building ways.
Respectfully,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam