How would YOU feel if…
...you knew without a doubt when you needed something you received it? That even if you had to wait a bit, this knowing made the wait okay?
…you could absolutely 100% count on another? Always? No matter what?
…the most important person in your life truly delighted with great JOY in and with you?
…the most important person in your life surrounded your Great Big Sad with a gentle, understanding presence?
…you were given all the time you needed to make sense out of life and the reassurance of trusted company along the way?
I believe you’d feel STRONG. I know I would. Strong from the inside out. Better able to sort through feelings. Aware of what makes you tick and accepting yourself. Able to relate well with others, for you understand their needs and feelings, too.
You’d be able to TRUST. The foundation for all healthy living and relationships.
I’ve watched many Mamas and Papas over the years and have had the privilege of seeing many children grow into strong and healthy adults from this base of respect, care, love our little ones need from us. And I’ve seen the pain and conflict that happens—the lack of trust in themselves, the world, another-–that can undermine just about everything when this kind of respectful relating and trust building is missed.
This solid foundation of trust? It is initially built in infancy. How we respectfully answer our baby’s needs. How we understand they need us nearby for them to check in with–visually and physically. How we watch and listen and put words to their actions and feelings. How we let them know what needs to happen before we do it. How we ask them if they are ready, or hungry, or sleepy and then respond accordingly. How we PAUSE often to first observe.
And it is essential all through childhood.
It’s tough to do when you have a life of work, school, appointments, multiple kids and maybe a missing partner and whatever and all other challenges.
It requires us to slow it down in whatever way we can.
It has us strengthening our ability to be fully present–even for just a few moments.
It asks us to be clear and intentional about how we want the future to look–not just the next hour. Or minute. Though there are times when that really is all we can do–look to the next minute. And yet, we can be intentional with just how we handle that next minute.
It is about taking time. Taking time to build relationships
that can feel strong from the inside out.
This can happen no matter how intensely HARD our life is. It can happen…
…in the midst of the RUSH by pausing for a few extra seconds to really look at your little one and let them know it is a rush and together you will get through it.
…as you just once today are able to actually PAUSE and respond from a place of calm.
…at family dinner time–even if it is the ONLY time you are together and present.
…as you sit to nurse–and you choose to ONLY sit and nurse rather than scroll through your phone and catch up on texts, emails, social media. Or maybe read to your preschooler as your baby nurses…all snuggled up together.
…in the car as you sing, talk, and listen; on a walk as you pay less attention to how far you are getting and more to what your child is curious about; at a doctor appointment as you talk and read together while in the waiting room; at day-care drop off as you take the extra minutes to respectfully transition your child with care and attention; even in the long and frustrating line at the store as you play I Spy, or finger games, or just wiggle your eyebrows at each other…
Taking time. Building trust so your little one
CAN count on you. Depositing as often as you can into the kind
of relationship you want the most.
Today, deposit. Communicate to your little one in whatever way you can in your situation that they CAN count on you. Take a moment to really watch them. Listen to them. Have a conversation with them. Share JOY, sad, mad, success, a nap, a bath, a book, a moment. It all counts.
Know that by doing so you are giving them exactly what they need in order to grow well–strong, from the inside out. What a gift to our children. What we focus on grows.
Here’s to you today!
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam