In the midst of parenting a young child? Consider this…
You’ll want your future teen to be able to say no to negative peer pressure or unwanted sexual activity.
You’ll want your future teen to have a clear idea of what feels right and good to him or her.
You’ll want your teen to show respect, both for themselves and for others.
You can begin right now with your young(er) child to build the foundation and relationship that will more likely grow a teen able to do all of the above.
It starts with OUR respect. Begin now to model how your child deserves to be treated by respecting privacy, respecting bodies respecting their space–both emotional and physical. What does this look like with our younger kids? A few ideas:
Stop tickling when they say no or stop or don’t.
Knock first on their bedroom/bathroom door and ask to come in.
Ask firstif they are ready for a hug, and wait for their answer–and respect it if they say no.
Ask first if they are ready to have their face washed, their shampoo rinsed, their diaper changed, and wait for them to respond. And when you have to wash, rinse or change? Then let them know you are going to and pause to give them the moment to be ready.
Calm your anxiety over their messy room–give them that space to call their own and be responsible for it…and that means letting go of the mess that accumulates (other than the once a month obligatory deep clean!). It also may mean letting them know you will blow a kiss from the door to say goodnight, since you are unwilling to risk tripping and falling your way to their bed.
Let them struggle. Affirm the difficulty, the feelings; ask them what they think they can do. Describe what you see as they work at a stubborn puzzle piece or finicky sock or challenging playground equipment. Let them know you are there and when they are ready, you are happy to help–and then step back.
Give them options other than kissing Aunt Martha or Grandpa–let them know they get to decide how to greet them in a way that is comfortable to them.
Let your child disagree with you–ask them what they think and accept it as their opinions. Stop yourself from trying to convince them to see it your way. Listen, affirm, and if things still need to happen the way you see best, calmly follow through. Now their ideas are valued, and cooperation can step up.
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Respect. Model it from day one and you will more likely grow a teen with a strong sense of self and the ability to navigate pressures in healthy ways.Truly relationship building.
