It’s evening. You are scrambling to get dinner going or maybe immersed in cleaning it all up. Your children are ramping up. You’ve worked all day and still have chores, emails, work, bath, reading, teeth to do. Chaos is reigning and you need a distraction–you and your kids!
On goes the 
TV. Or iPad. Or other digital device. A show is put on. Or video game. Or other entertaining App. But since YOU need the distraction just as much, you turn on a funny show that you enjoy and seems totally okay for your kids, too.
PAUSE. Something we need to KNOW is just how what our kids watch affects their developing selves. So let’s rewind a bit to a handful of years ago and a concrete example I can give. Remember the show Friends? It was lighthearted, funny, geared toward adults and aired at a time children were still up. It actually was the top rated show for preschoolers for 10 years.It really matters none which show I focus on, the info I share next pertains to ALL that we plunk our kids in front of; yet Friends is such an excellent example.
Let’s start with our preschoolers. What IS the big deal about letting them watch alongside us funny-to-us shows that seem relatively harmless?
Consider this…
The number one developmental task of a preschooler is to learn behavioral and emotional self-control--if you are a parent of a 4-year-old you know exactly what this means! There is little emotional (or behavioral!) self control exhibited on Friends–that is what makes it so funny for us watching it. We laugh at it all!
What does our laughter communicate to our preschooler?
That self-control is really not all that important. That losing our self-control really is just funny! Oops. Probably not what we really want to communicate as we yet again try to get our over-the-top preschooler to just cool their jets…not hit their brother…quit throwing and jumping and flying over the furniture or yelling extra loud, or being that puddle on the floor because they didn’t get their turn…
Take this further…
If our preschooler does not successfully accomplish the task of self-control, they now do not have what they need to grow through the middle childhood main task in healthy ways–how to be a friend. That preschool task of learning to manage BIG feelings? It is necessary to develop healthy friendships.
How does watching friends as an elementary age child influence them at this developmental stage?
That friendships are supposed to be sarcastic, unkind, back-biting. What does our laughter as we watch this show communicate? That this is exactly how friendships are supposed to look.
Fast forward to middle school and check out how the kids are treating each other. Oh heck, look at your 4th, 5th, or 6th grader to see plenty of unkindness, back-biting, downright mean stuff. Yes, sometimes this is “normal” (think girls and the challenges in later elementary years), and that is all the more reason to be sure what is role-modeled everywhere else (shows included) is respectful and kind.
Let’s go a bit further down the developmental road…
To the teen years. What is the number one task for a teen? The further development of intimate relationships (as well as separating from us!). What does our enjoyment over Friends communicate as they, too, watch?
That all of our relationships are infused with sex–that this is what the epitome of a meaningful relationship is. Sexual, sarcastic, unkind. I am most certain most of you want to see just the opposite in your teen–you’d like to see respect, healthy choices, a kind and generous spirit (at least away from home… 🙂 ).
It is essential that we think through what
we want our children exposed to.
PAUSE and think through what we want to communicate and what we actually are via our words and actions.
Be sensitive to your child’s developmental stage and how what they watch influences their social, emotional, and intellectual growth. Take it seriously, for your child’s (and our society’s) health depends on it.
And when you still, out of sheer desperation, turn on a show that just isn’t a great choice? It’s OKAY. Because you’ve worked hard at choosing with care and as you navigate the world of media and screens these moments are going to happen–in your home, or elsewhere. Their effect CAN be countered by the protective factors of a safe, loving, connected relationship with you. YOU who will ask questions, talk about what the child sees, explore their feelings, role model just what you really want.
Science, research, experience is showing us clearly what many of us know intuitively. Take care in the media you expose your children to. It matters.
Respectfully,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam