“It’ll be okay, just think positively!”
“I know, I know, he’s driving you nuts. I’m sure there is SOMETHING positive about it all…”
“Let’s look at the bright side!”
Ever get tired of hearing this? I know I do. Especially when, well…NOTHING seems all that positive….
Positive can feel totally inauthentic. It can feel “Polly-anna-ish.” Being asked to look at or find “something positive”–especially as your child is pushing your buttons to the Nth degree every single minute of the day or you are struggling just to make ends meet–can have you rolling your eyes, laughing right out loud, and very quickly no longer listening to whomever is telling you so.
Really, where IS the positive when things are so very bad, or you feeling so very, very low, or when your anxiety over whatever your child is doing is incredibly overwhelming?
Enter APPRECIATION.
And no, this isn’t about appreciating your child’s bad behavior, your raw fear, anxiety, anger, depression. Sometimes there is NO appreciating any of that.
And yet, appreciation is still possible. Try appreciating:
...that YOU are still “in the game” no matter what. No matter how fearful, anxious, mad you are. You are still “in the game.”
…finally falling into bed at night to sleep and being able to just shut out all the YUCK for even a short while. Even though it’ll still be there when you roll back out in the morning. Or in a few hours. At least you will be a bit more rested…
…how deeply you feel over all of what is pushing your button. This deep feeling? It speaks loudly of your care and concern and love for your child, for yourself.
…the super amazing cup of coffee you pour yourself after another sleepless night. SUPER amazing. Maybe add a bit of chocolate to go with it…
...being stuck in the traffic because it is giving you more time away from all the chaos at home…and a chance to listen to some music YOU like .
…how intent you are on growing a human being who can be polite, kind, compassionate…(even as it is NOT working and there is NO sign of manners, kindness, compassion. At least your intent is in place!)
...the hug you got earlier in the day…prior to the fight and tears. That hug? It still counts.
…the smiles exchanged as you passed others on the street. I enjoy that one, for I always feel a bit lifted as a result…
...the kindness of the fellow in line at the store who let you go first–your stress and overwhelmed self needed to get out of the store sooner. Somehow he just knew that. Kindness really does abound!
…how giving your kids a bowl of cereal for dinner is really all about you able to let go and relax into making something hard that much easier for you. SELF-CARE!
…that you are absolutely CLEAR that nothing is feeling good or going well. Clarity. It is a good thing!
Appreciation. And the cool thing?
As you work at appreciating rather than finding something positive, you’ve just made room for positive to happen. And it often does.
Change–real, productive, meaningful change–happens. And mostly–YOU will feel better. Lifted. Empowered. LIBERATED from the spiral of yuck. Now you really can move forward and create the change you are wanting the most.
Appreciation–essential for living well.
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam