PAUSE…
When the heat rises, the discomfort climbs, the anxiety and frustration and just plain MAD begin to take over…
.
PAUSE. Breathe, step away, count to ten, close your eyes, go get a drink of water, swipe the kitchen counter with a rag…do whatever it takes to calm yourself (even just a tiny bit!), first. No matter how brief a moment you have–PAUSE.
Think about what you really want in this situation–think about what CAN be learned, what you want the most, what you want in the long run. And remind yourself that you are your child’s calm and confident guide they can count on–always.
Then take another deep breath. No matter how brief a moment you have to PAUSE, your encouraging self-talk can step up in amazing and quick ways–really! And if all you can do is say “PAUSE!” to yourself, it counts 
.
NOW step back in. Let your calm confidence in being their guide and the calm connection you intend to create with your child lead the way.
Respond instead of react. It’s less WHAT we say and so much more HOW we say it. So…
Worry less about what you want to say and do and put your attention fully on HOW you intend to do it--calmly, with connection at the forefront, confident that you are their parent and nothing will ever change this.
Clear that this is less about the immediate conflict or challenge and more about building relationships in affirming and productive ways and children who can grow themselves towards those responsible, respectful, in charge of themselves future adults. A step at a time.
Keep the trusting, respectful, kind relationship you intend to nurture at the forefront–for this will be powerful for helping you respond to the current challenge or conflict in such a way that it becomes relationship building. Even if you are still saying NO or STOP or having a child melt down at your feet it can become a real deposit into the healthy relationship you want because YOU are staying calm, connected, and confident no matter what your child does.
What a powerful way to communicate confidence in and
respect for your child.
And in the long run it is what counts–in the moment it can be incredibly difficult and draining, yet you will notice, in time, how things begin to shift in positive ways…really!
Practice today. Slowly. One step at a time. Even just pausing for a second and that is all you can accomplish–it will make a difference, for you will be focusing first on yourself and what you want more of–what we focus on grows.
Let some encouraging self-talk step up. Tell yourself that you ARE the calm, confident, connected parent your child needs. That’s all. A mantra to focus on. Try it. Write it down; post it on the mirror, the microwave, in your car. And notice what is different over the next few days…
Here’s to you! And thank you to screamfree and Hal Runkel for bringing PAUSE into my life.
Need a bit of help and encouragement as you strengthen PAUSE? Take a look at my books. They will help .
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2017 Alice Hanscam