Pausing isn’t just for heated moments. It isn’t just for when you are in the midst of a conflict.
Pausing can be a way of life that influences EVERY thing you do in life affirming and meaningful ways.
Here’s a story for you that I’m sure you can relate to…
Your hands are a-flying as you stand, or rather dance about, at the kitchen counter, packing lunches, cooking breakfast, hollering over you shoulder to remind the kids to “Get dressed!”, “Pack your bag!”, “Would someone please let the dog in?!!” 
Kids are tumbling around each other, “Hey! MOOOVE! MOM, make her STOP!”, “I can’t find my bag!”, “The dog already IS in!” Or maybe, as you toss directions and pleas over your shoulder there is a general silence or “Sure mom”‘s tossed back with no follow through for your child is plugged in to a show or video game or maybe even (hopefully?!) a good book, like my daughter often was.
You scramble to finish up, admonishing the kids for arguing, talking back, dragging their toes, losing their bag, ignoring you as they watched a show, played a game, read a book. You finally get everything together, kids included, and you all pile out the door and into the car, off to wherever you are heading–most likely late and exhausted, because really YOU had to do most of everything once again this morning. Including breaking up fights and going on bag hunts, and letting the dog BACK out and in once again.
Whew. You finally drop the kids off and feel like you can at least breathe again. Most days feel like this–GO GO GO, arguing and scrambling until you finally can stop. Briefly. When you have a moment to reflect, you WISH things could go smoother, your kids would cooperate and help out more often, these GO GO GO experiences were minimal rather than the norm. Oh if ONLY…
Enter PAUSE. 
It really can change things in amazing ways–both momentarily and in the long term. What exactly does a PAUSE look like at these times? What exactly can it DO? Let’s replay it a bit:
Your hands are a-flying as you stand, or rather dance about, at the kitchen counter, packing lunches, cooking breakfast, hollering over you shoulder to remind the kids to, “Get dressed!”, “Pack your bag!”, “Would someone please let the dog in?”
Kids are tumbling around each other, “Hey! MOOOVE! MOM, make her STOP!”, “I can’t find my bag!”, “The dog already IS in!” ….
Here is where a PAUSE can make a real difference.
Instead of continuing to scramble and holler over your
shoulder and solve issues yourself, you still your flying hands, lean on the kitchen counter, close your eyes, and BREATHE.
Breathe in deeply, breathe out. Three times in a row can make an incredible difference. And then you turn around and LOOK.
You notice just exactly what is going on, who is fighting, who is ignoring, whether the dog is in or out, bags being packed. Maybe you’ve practiced this kind of pausing often enough that you find your eyes have a bit of a twinkle going and a little smile playing on your lips. Maybe not. Either way, you take a moment to look and notice.
You notice how lost in a good book your child is or how her eyes are glued to a video game. You notice the frustration on one child’s face as she is trying ever so hard to get her sibling to stop poking and bugging her. You notice that the dog IS in and your son is looking at you as if you JUST don’t GET it–of COURSE he heard the dog and let him in!
It is from this place that you can more likely interact in such a way that your children feel a warm and understanding connection with you. And with that in place, they are more likely going to step up and participate in more positive ways. Because YOU are taking the moment to really look and notice. Why? Keep reading…
Maybe you…
…go to your child immersed in the video game and put your hand on their shoulder and say, “I can tell you are having fun. It is time to stop and get ready to leave.”
…sit next
to your lost-in-a-good-book child and as he looks up at you you can actually smile and ask what part he’s reading right now. Then remind him that it is time to head out and you need his cooperation. (It can feel like a big ask of you when time is of essence, and yet…this bit of a pause next to your child? It really takes but seconds.)
…look at your frustrated son with dog already in and say, “I’m sorry! I thought I was the only one who heard the dog at the door! I’m so glad you did, too. Thank you.”
…find yourself going up to your arguing children and putting a hand on each of them, and give them a moment to spill it all out to you. Then maybe all you say is, “I know you don’t like to be poked; I know you find it funny to poke. Now it is time to head out. I really need your help in getting things together…”
MAYBE your kids still argue, push back, ignore. Maybe you’ll still find yourself doing the bulk of the work. But here’s the deal. The more you take the moment to PAUSE, look, notice, and connect? The sooner your children will step up, cooperate, be willing and involved in the GO GO GO preparations. Maybe you are thinking, HA as IF I have time to slow down even the tiny bit you are asking! And that is where the paradox can lie with a PAUSE. It seems to take a bit more time, and then you discover how much better you can feel–and end up doing so much more or perhaps being content with what you DO get done 🙂
The more you take the moment to PAUSE, the more
likely you will influence your children, yourself, your days in
calming, positive, productive ways. And THIS
makes parenting a bit easier…
So now, when you DO have a GO GO GO that just feels crummy all over again? It will be few and far between. Tip the balance today and weave a PAUSE into your full-speed-ahead mode. I know you will discover a kind of difference to your day that can leave you smiling!
With JOY,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2019 Alice Hanscam