I was asked recently, prior to speaking to a group of parents, if my work is faith-based.
I paused. 
I’ve been asked this before. From groups, from individual parents. I consider my answer with care, for faith (or religion, as this question really is about) can both be inclusive as well as quite exclusive. And the work I do is meant to include all.
Here’s what I know. My work is about helping each of you grow your faith in yourselves. To help you each become clearer about what it is you truly want, how you understand your child, what kinds of relationships you intend to grow, and to feel more confident and certain in your self as a parent. To trust yourself. Even and most especially when you have no clear direction to take with whatever struggle you are facing.
So yes, my work is faith based because it is about strengthening you from the inside out. Strengthening your ability to trust the direction or actions you choose to take; to have faith in what unfolds as you parent from this more intentional place; to trust that your work at parenting from a strong-inside-you self will deposit soundly and wonderfully into your relationships; to know with certainty (and a bit of relief?!), as you plow through the tough times, that these, too, shall pass. Trusting that these tough times will help all involved to grow.
Think about this. Every single struggle you have with your children–from sleep issues to behavior issues to school challenges to pottying to sharing to disrespect and on–asks you to PAUSE, first and foremost. To reflect on your child’s needs. To think about what it is you really want. To consider what you can do more of or do differently. To understand just what is healthy and just what it is that is important in your family. To, most importantly, take care of your own feelings.
It requires you to begin first with yourself.
What if, no matter the challenge, YOU felt certain and confident in how you chose to act? That you confidently entered into the button pushing, sarcasm, refusal to listen, etc, feeling calm and certain that this can be evolved toward healthy and productive behavior and relationships?
Or maybe not confident, and instead TRUSTING. Trusting that the action you take will move you and your child forward in positive and healthy ways…and instead of worrying so much about just what to do, you find yourself focusing more on HOW you do it? Talk about faith in yourself. Pause, center yourself, calm down, and then step in–even without the answer. And trust that what unfolds is important, necessary, and growth oriented, even as it is still quite often hard.
This really is where faith in yourself–strength from the inside out–comes. Allowing yourself not to know just what to do and trusting that HOW you do it will take you down the right-for-you-and-your-child path. And that “how?” It comes from you pausing, calming, and then choosing just how you want to be no matter what your child is throwing at you. Pause is a muscle. Exercise it and it and you get stronger.
So yes. My work is faith based.
Faith in your ability to grow and parent respectfully,
gently, from the inside out as you focus more on yourself and less on the immediate challenge at hand.
Always start with you.
Here’s to each of you this New Year. Make a resolution to strengthen yourself this year. Slow yourself down with a PAUSE so you can really listen to your inner voice. Take your time. Relationships require the respect of time. Let a pause bring you a bit of calm and then let this calm help you trust the direction you then take. This is faith. This is the work I do for you.
I have faith in each of you as you strive to parent well.
With JOY,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2020 Alice Hanscam