PAUSE: Noun. Defined as a space—mental, emotional, or physical– from which you then respond with clear intention.
PAUSE: Action Verb. The action you take to create a space in which you can calm, center, and then intentionally choose what feelings, thoughts, words, and response you will give.
PAUSE is never passive. It is always active. 
PAUSE as a passive response is equivalent to checking out often because we are too anxious to deal with a situation. And now we don’t step back in and respond. What is communicated? That we can’t handle our child’s upset, behavior, feelings.
This ROCKS a child’s world.
It is a scary place to be when a child looks to a parent for help, stability, calm, guidance and instead sees a parent who is acting just as immaturely as the child…and then what? The child acts up even more. Or withdraws…deeply. Or maybe complies…often out of fear or resentment. Probably not what any of us intend.
What feels like an “easy way out” by using PAUSE to check out becomes, over time, a very unhealthy and truly difficult way of relating. And parenting becomes harder.
PAUSE as the space it can be and intentional action it needs to be does just the opposite. It allows you to ultimately step back in and respond—productively, purposefully, with the clarity necessary for truly guiding your child toward just what you want more of.
It becomes relationship building.
And yes, a PAUSE can be self-care. Absolutely. This is different from “checking out” because, again, it is done intentionally, with the understanding that it will be followed by stepping back in and responding. Go take care of yourself! It is essential.
So today, PAUSE–actively and with intention. Trust what follows, even if you have absolutely no idea what to do next. Let your ability to calm yourself and trust your ability to connect do the work for you.
Let my book(s) help you.
And let me know what works for you. I care.
Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2018 Alice Hanscam