Just Ask Alice

Important moments in the day of a toddler…

…Filling, dumping, and filling (and dumping again!) just about anything. Your cupboard full of pans, all that laundry you so carefully folded and put in the laundry basket or actually got back into the drawer, the dirt in your garden or potted plant, the mushy peas one at a time into the cup of milk…and out again (uh-oh!). Filling and dumping and digging and pouring is important work…its math work…its understanding the world work.    

…Routines! Bedtime, nap time, diaper time, bath time, story time, meal time, daycare time. The routines you stick to make a world of difference to a toddler. Those 3 books, 2 songs, and back rub for bedtime? The more you stick with it, the easier bedtime can be. Routines toddlers can count on help them feel safe in their world. Safe, secure, and now able to manage better all those LOUD feelings they may have about things. You, too .

…Calm and consistent follow through on your part! Oh yes. Toddlers need to know what the rules are, the expectations, the framework. They need to know you are coming back after nap, that they ARE all done with lunch when food starts going other places other than their plate or mouth, that throwing blocks will be stopped, that you really will sing two songs like you said you would. What a difference this makes for them!

…Choices!! And only a few at a time (too many all at once is ever-so-overwhelming!). Like when they get to choose between the red and blue cup, or zipping their jacket or having you help them, or holding hands and march march marching or being picked up and carried. With choices, they feel empowered! In charge of themselves–something key for this age. Independent, oh yes. What a way to help our toddler grow their capable and competent selves.

…Saying NO! And delighting in all that means. And watching how we respond! Nononononononono may mean, “This is a fun word to say and I can say it easily!” to “Look at the attention I get when I say it..” to “NO. I don’t WANT that.” Our job? To keep our eyes twinkling. To be clear, calm, and consistent with what their choices are. To affirm feelings. To be gentle and light-hearted as much as possible. To let those “NO”s be the practice they really are–for your toddler to define his world in his way. Independence at its best.

…Opportunities to be in charge of themselves! We get to decide the food we serve them in bits and pieces, it is their job to work at eating it–messily, poking it, squishing it, mushing it around and spitting it out. We get to set up our home as best as possible for them to freely and safely explore in, they get to do the exploring–at their pace, with their ideas, with our quiet observation and affirmation of their work, feelings, struggles, success. We get to let them know it is time to change that diaper; they get to decide how it is changed (a wrestling match? With them holding everything? On the floor…bed…table…standing…lying down…with chase games in-between?)

…Goodbyes and hellos! What an important part of their life. They are working hard at understanding this disappearing act that happens, the concept of here and gone. Confusing, when we adults forget this and just leave. Or sweep them up with no warning to leave. Our intentional letting them know what to expect (those routines, again!), our consistent follow through of what we say, our respect for how they feel about it all (and still get it done, calmly…) is key for them to get a sense of order of it all.

Toddlers! What a time of expanding independence. What a time of incredible growth towards their capable, competent selves.

Our job?  Practicing often our ability to PAUSE so we can be calm, clear, consistent in all we do with them. Including letting our eyes TWINKLE.  And the Two’s become Terrific! 

More toddler antics here: Toddlers! Totally Terrific

Alice

Author and Parent Coach
©2018 Alice Hanscam