Tag: strengths

Chore Charts, Behavior Charts, Sticker Charts, Oh My!

March 30, 2022 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Discipline and Guidance, Noticed and Appreciated, Self-care Comment

Chore charts. Behavior charts. Daily charts. Charts with stickers, charts with toys or adventures to earn, charts to show the order of the day. Charts, charts, and more charts.

We work so hard at getting our children to behave!

We attempt all kinds of systems to change their behavior in positive ways–charts being pretty common and tried by many of us, I’m certain.  And they can work…for awhile. 

Funny, though, how either we begin to fade away from following through with them (“Geez! I’ve forgotten to let my child put stickers on all he’s done!”) or our children–after the initial days of total excitement over stickers, check marks, rewards to look forward to–begin to ignore it…resort back to ignoring you and your requests…leave the dog unfed, resist brushing their teeth, no longer care about the cool toy that is promised. That well thought out chart? It just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Change. It is difficult to create and maintain.

Just think about that diet you put yourself on to lose a few pounds or how you decided to truly stay on top of a house project or how you swore you were going to start cooking from scratch more and more often.  Just think about how these vows to create the change you know could be beneficial for you sort of went out the window fairly quickly…and the old ways stuck.

Change in our children requires us to focus on ourselves first and foremost.  Consider where real and lasting change has occurred with your children, in your life, work related, school related, relationship related. No matter, just change that felt truly successful. Consider what it took–perhaps determination, clarity on just what you intended with this change, commitment to it and consistency as you stuck with it, a friend encouraging you along the way, moments of success that had you willingly digging in deeper to stick it out…

Now consider this:

What if we focused less on “making our kids behave” and more on how WE want to behave, instead?

What if we focused on creating the foundation for potential change in our children? On being the positive, calming influence with our kids that can have them stepping up on their own, motivating themselves to make more productive choices? Not doing it because of the cool sparkly star they get to add to their chart, not because they get to go to Bouncy Bears as a prize, not because they now have you smiling at them instead of frowning…but really motivating their own selves because it feels good and right TO THEM from the inside out?

What if, instead of a chart for your child, you made a chart for yourself? One that included:

~ I noticed and affirmed my child today as I saw them use gentle hands, clean up, take their dish to the counter, pet the dog, buckle up in the car, use their words, play quietly, sleep soundly, tackle their homework, shut the door carefully…

~ I intentionally looked to where my child made productive choices and I let her know I noticed–“When you clean up your blocks like that, I appreciate it and it means we can get out the board game and play!” “Letting your friend know that you couldn’t play today was hard, but I can see getting your homework done is important to you.”

~ I chose to stay calm and connected to my child today, despite how she behaved…it was hard and I did it! Patience ruled!

~ I paid attention to where my child took charge of himself–by flushing the toilet, choosing her socks, deciding on which cereal he wants, remembering to pack her homework, digging out their favorite shirt from the laundry all by themselves, zipping his coat, toddling over with a sloshing cup of milk in hand to give it to me, saying NO to coming indoors to play or NO to being asked to share (yes, that is a child taking charge of themselves!)…:-)

~ I paused today and followed through calmly and consistently with just what I had promised my child (whether it was a consequence or something fun). Keeping promises is important to me!

~ I intentionally gave my child an opportunity to do things “all by herself”, to grow as an independent, capable, competent soul. Perhaps I paused and waited as I watched my little one work hard at climbing onto the chair (and discovered how, even with bumps and crashes, she DID it. All by herself!); I gave the car keys and a grocery list to the newly licensed teen in my house (that was a bit nerve-wracking…); I stepped back while my child quite gleefully dug into the dog food bag and very generously filled the dog’s bowl…no wonder our dog is overweight…

~ I deposited into my self-care account today and it felt GREAT.

Now what might be different? Just think…

…intentionally focusing on what you want more of; intentionally focusing on growing your ability to parent well. Affirming yourself all day long.

What might be different about your day? How might you feel no matter what your child chooses to do? How, with your focus on yourself, could this positively influence your child?

Try it. Write up a chart for yourself. Get a bunch of pretty stars to stick on or delicious chocolate to reward yourself as you pay attention to what you want to do differently. Real and lasting change can be yours–and it begins with you. So go put your attention on just what you want more of and pat yourself on the back often for doing just this. You deserve to feel and be affirmed. The work you do to create positive change in your family is tough, essential, and totally rewarding.

Find Alice’s books here!

I give you STARS today! Some dark chocolate, too 🙂

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

©2018 Alice Hanscam

Through the Lens of Appreciation

December 16, 2021 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Noticed and Appreciated, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

Obstinate and stubborn or Fiercely Independent?
Talking back and argumentative or Skilled Negotiator?
Shy and all-too-quiet or Astute Observer?
Cry baby and incompetent or Sensitively Aware?

How you decide to ‘look’ at your child determines

what you (and they) experience…and then influences how

you choose to respond.

Consider these:

~ Your child is the one in a group situation who hangs at the periphery seemingly not engaging at all…and it worries you, “He’s missing out!” What is different for you if you see and appreciate it as your child is an Astute Observer who is seeing and feeling lots of things you don’t notice and are unaware of–that instead of missing out, they are soaking it up?  Now how might you interact with them following this ‘periphery experience’?

~ Your child falls apart at the slightest thing–and always has since infancy! You wish that she’d be less the cry baby and able to ‘handle’ what comes her way. What is different for you as you appreciate how Sensitively Aware she is of all her feelings? What might you do differently as you look at her as handling her deep feelings in just the way that works best for her?

~ Or maybe you have a child (like I did) who constantly and annoyingly negotiates with you every step of the way, throwing right back at you THEIR solutions that you often know, without a doubt, aren’t ever going to be a choice.  And of course it pushes your button and you end up in an argument that keeps on escalating.  What if you saw this as your child being a Skilled Negotiator working hard at learning to problem solve in effective ways…or CAN learn if you step in seeing this as the strength it can be?! (Tough, I know. I’ve been there!)

~ Perhaps it is all the eye-rolling and sarcastic comments flung at you from your teen that really pushes your button to the Nth degree…URGH! What is different when you look at it as his way of coping with all the inner turmoil teens often experience? That he is trying super hard to keep himself together in the midst of extreme ups and downs? To be in control of himself? That the Skilled Negotiator, Fiercely Independent and Sensitively Aware inner strengths are ramping up all at once?  Now what might you say or do the next time sarcasm, eye-rolling, and button pushing is flung your way? 

~ The off-the-wall rambunctiousness of your child after school–talking at you constantly, moving their body full speed ahead, wanting your attention and time to play with you…and you just want it to be QUIET. Why can’t they just come home and chill for a while???

What is different for you as you recognize and appreciate that your child is an extrovert, unloading the stress of school and recharging by fully engaging you? And what is different as you recognize you really are an introvert who is Sensitively Aware and needs quiet time to recharge while your child is busily recharging himself in the way that works for him…?

~ Or maybe it is the opposite–your child comes home from school and says nary two words to you, disappearing into her room at length. You are dancing around this, wanting so much to know how her day went, what homework she has, who she ate lunch with, what things are to be planned for in the next few day.  What could be different if you saw your child’s retreat as her way of taking care of herself so she can be at her best?  That her Sensitively Aware and Astute Observer self is stepping up as she takes herself off to recharge–and this quiet time is exactly what she needs?

I think (actually, I know) all kinds of things could be different. Different in an appreciative, affirming, relationship-building way. Different in how your child understands themselves, listens to you, cooperates, collaborates, grows in healthy ways. And this reframing (for that is what it is) can be tough. Especially in the moment. So…

What does this require of YOU?

Pausing, often. Intentionally reframing what you see. Depositing into YOUR Self-Care-Savings Account regularly. Reflecting on the kind of future adult you intend to grow. Acknowledging your own strengths–when you can be patient, calm, feel connected in relationship-building ways.  Appreciating your SELF. 

With practice and time, all kinds of cool things begin to happen.  You will find yourself calming down, and appreciating who they are just a bit more. And as you calm down, I believe you’ll discover how you choose to respond to your child will be in ways that support and encourage and affirm them for who they are and actually grow what really are strengths that are necessary to be a future successful adult. I know what was relationship-depleting can become relationship-building, absolutely.

In return, your child can feel respected, understood, and empowered…

And now…

The child on the periphery may begin to move into the group and engage…what a way to grow their capable, competent, confident selves, able to use their strength at Astutely Observing and thrive.

The child that feels so deeply begins to understand and accept her feelings even more–allowing her to manage those feelings better and better…essential for growing well. Now their Sensitively Aware strength benefits them and all their relationships in rich and meaningful ways.

The annoying negotiator begins to feel you are on board as a team player and will begin to brainstorm solutions and truly problem solve…and now that strength at Skilled Negotiating truly steps up and can lead the way.

The eye-rolling/sarcastic stuff from your teen can lessen…and they may begin to get clearer and open up about what is really troubling them. Their Fiercely Independent selves begin to take responsibility for themselves…and that independence? Key for successful adulthood.

The introvert and extroverts feel accepted as-is, allowing them to feel recharged and able to engage in ways that work for all…what a way to nurture the Astute Observer, Skilled Negotiator, Sensitively Aware, and Fiercely Independent strengths that grow a child who is fully in charge of themselves! Self-directed and responsible. How cool is that?

And now, relationships can truly thrive!

I encourage you to try looking at the behavior that stirs up your anxiety through a lens of appreciation…

 

Find Alice’s books here!

And as you switch up how you look at their behavior and appreciate what they are working hard at, notice what is different for you, for your child, how it influences a situation. As you practice this, let me know what changes for you…because things will change, this I can promise.

Appreciation. It changes lives.

With JOY,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

©2018 Alice Hanscam

Considering Praise

March 2, 2021 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Ages and Stages, Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Noticed and Appreciated, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Social Emotional Comment

“Good job!” “You are SO smart.”

“What a pretty little girl you are!” “You are an amazing athlete.” “Good boy for sharing!” “You are an ace at math.” “Good girl!” “You made such a pretty picture–good job.””What a brave boy you are!”

Sounds good, right? Familiar, perhaps, as you praise your child all through the day?

Consider this—praise of this kind can actually displace just what

our children need the most.

Yes, displace. Stay with me here! I know praise for all they do seems like the way to grow those strong-from-the-inside-out kids, but consider this–as we give what feels like encouragement to our children in just the above way, we can undermine their ability to be intrinsically motivated–firing from inside themselves as they tap into their strengths and abilities to, on their own, pursue all things in life; we can undermine their growth as a strong, inner directed person.

Think about this–if we tell a child “Good job!” when they willingly get dressed in the morning, what does this communicate when they have a hard time getting dressed the next morning? That they are doing a ‘bad job?’ This is what a child ‘hears’, and it does little to help them decide, on their own, to want to get dressed in the morning!

If we tell a child “You are so smart!” when they bring home an assignment they got 100% on, how do they feel when they come home with one marked with 75%? Or when they find themselves struggling with homework? If we’ve told them they are so smart, then they more likely will feel a failure when they struggle–“I’m supposed to be so smart. Why can’t I DO this??”

If we tell our daughter how pretty she looks as she prances out in her frilly red dress, what are we communicating is important? How she looks? How could this influence her over the years…as a teen…if how she looks becomes the go-to response she gets from us?

What CAN we do?

Oh so much! Describing what you see rather than praising is essential for our children to grow intrinsically motivated and to feel authentically affirmed.

Here’s how that can look:

“You chose the red frilly dress! And you buttoned all those buttons by yourself. That took a lot of work.”

“Wow. That took a lot of brain work to come home with 100% on your assignment. I bet you feel really good about how your hard work paid off.”

“I see blue, green, black, and yellow in your picture. You chose to use a LOT of the yellow! And look how you went round and round with your marker to make so many circle shapes…”

“Look how strong your muscles can be! What effort it takes to carry the bag all the way up the stairs. I appreciate your help.”

“What a commitment you’ve had to your training. I can see how happy you are to make the team at school!”

“Math can be hard! Look at all the problems you’ve accomplished. You’ve concentrated on this for a long time.”

“Your friend is happy you shared your toy! What a kind thing to do.”

“It takes a lot of courage to climb up so high. When you are ready, you can give it a go.”

What is different?

Now you are focusing on abilities, strengths, and qualities.

These are things you want to encourage for they help our children become more confident, feel more capable, able to take risks, to rally from mistakes, to move through struggle. To know “I can really use my brain” sets a child up to work through a tough homework problem in an empowering way. Hearing “You are so smart!” can leave a child at a loss when they don’t do well on a test, or when they can’t figure out a problem. Using “You CAN be” instead of “You ARE…” gives a child the chance to be something else. Empowering!

Take time today to pause as your child shows you the work they’ve done.

Describe what you see–including the feelings of your child. Notice the L-O-N-G brush strokes across their painting and say something. Notice the colors they chose and tell them that’s what you see. 

Pay attention to what they called upon to get through a tough moment and name it for them. Ask them questions about what it took to accomplish what they are grinning from ear to ear about.

Use struggles as a time to name and affirm their feelings, rather than find something to praise in order to ‘make them feel better.’ Use struggles as a time to identify the inner strengths they are trying to tap into to succeed–“That puzzle is really difficult. It is frustrating for you! I can see you are working really hard to figure it out…” “When your friend says those things it hurts your feelings and I can tell you feel sad. What might help you right now?”

This is important.

Growing children who feel empowered, authentically affirmed, and intrinsically motivated is key for living well all through life.

It makes your job as a parent easier as your child can now move through struggles more successfully, can call upon their own selves to solve something, can make healthier choices with peers, and feel truly competent and capable. Give it a try and notice what is different as you focus on your child’s abilities, their process, the qualities you want the most. I believe you’ll see just how your child is growing in amazing ways…and they’ll “see” it, too.

Find Alice’s books here!

Now when you find yourself throwing out the inevitable “good job!” or “You look so pretty!” now and again? No worries, for you’ve tipped the balance towards emphasizing just what you want the most–children feeling strong from the inside out.

What a gift to your child and to your relationships!

With JOY and appreciation,

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

©2018 Alice Hanscam

The Challenge of Parenting

December 12, 2020 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Positive and Respectful Parenting Comment

The challenge of parenting?  It doesn’t come with a “How To” manual.

It DOES come with an incredible mixture of joy, confusion, self-doubt, FRUSTRATION, chaos, pride, exhaustion, adventure, “NOW what?” “How do I…” “STOP IT” “I just don’t know…” “I’m scared.” “Why won’t they…” “WOW…”

It comes with eye-rolling, BIG feelings (yours and theirs!), tumultuous times, even-keeled times, in-between times. It can come with judgment, acceptance, guilt, real and meaningful connection, no sleep, too much sleep if you have a teen-ager, and joy–did I mention JOY?

What a journey! And it requires US to grow. To become increasingly better at managing OUR feelings so our children can manage theirs. To become clearer in just what we are wanting for our kids…our future adults…our relationships. It requires us to let go, go with the flow, stick to our promises made, do the hard AND the fun of all of it.

Three resources of mine that can really help you figure out just HOW TO do this parenting deal well include “Parenting Through Relationship”, “PAUSE: The Power of Parenting (and Living) with Calm Connection” and “Parenting Inspired; Finding Grace in the Chaos, Confidence in Yourself, and Gentle Joy along the Way.”

Know that can be successfully absorbed in the brief bits of time you actually have, include stories of parents JUST LIKE YOU, have practical and simple steps that help YOU parent well, and my own stories and words of wisdom gleaned through the years woven throughout.

Know that these books can and will bring you relief, laughter, encouragement and yes, even inspire you to do the hard work of creating the change you really want.

The cool thing is…they are all about YOU. No advice, no “you should”, no one way only. Because parenting? Though there are hard and fast “rules” such as developmental stages our children go through, what works for one may be and often is entirely different from what works for the next. Both in regards to your kids AND each of us as parents.

Find Alice’s books here!

Know that my books are way more about discovering what IS working for you, what YOUR strengths and abilities are, what works with YOUR child and in YOUR family…and culture…and…

Check them out.

Make it great today. YOU and your kids are worth all the hard work you are doing. Keep it up and know you have lots of company!

With JOY and appreciation,
Alice
Author and Parent Coach

A Grateful Mama

May 9, 2019 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Noticed and Appreciated Comment

I am grateful.

Grateful to be a mother to two young women moving along their own journeys, growing themselves in lovely, strong, intentional ways. A bit sad, too, since our time together is few and far between…and when we will be together again as a family is unknown…

I am proud. Not because of their academic or athletic or any other ability. Not because of “jobs well done” or excelling or being artistic or smart or funny or any of those things we often hear others say they are proud of.

You know, I think about this “proud” statement, often. I hear others use it–“I’m proud of you, son!” as the child wins an award, or gets straight A’s or succeeds in some other way. What does it mean to our children if they then lose, or fail, or not succeed in something–are we still proud of them? Do we tell them at those times? Or do they think our pride is only for the times they do well and that it is their job to “make us proud?” I hope not.

I want, more than anything, for my daughters to make them SELVES proud. That their job is to lead themselves, from the inside out, focused on their feelings and their abilities and then take their strong-from-the-inside-out selves and always look to what they can do to help make the world a better place; to live well and strong, productive and purposeful.

And I want them to know I AM proud, and I truly admire them. And I want them to know why. Maybe this will help you look at your children and despite the struggles, frustration, worry, and all that our parenting journeys inevitably bring, you can notice important qualities in them evolving in amazing ways. Because they are there, ready to emerge, expand, strengthen.

I am proud and I admire my daughters because of their ever-growing abilities to:

~ Persevere. Through hard classes, hard times, difficult relationships, jobs that leave them frustrated, confusing moments/days/months, embarrassing moments, wondering-what-the-heck-do-I-do-now moments. To stick with their dreams and stand by their values. To stick with their friends no matter or maybe because of the turmoil. To persevere through it all staying true to (and still discovering) themselves.

~ Be kind. To others whether it is easy or difficult. To animals–well cared for pets and lonely strays. To people who believe different things and live in different ways and maybe make them uncomfortable at times. To children and each other. To choose “be kind” over “be right.” To be kind to themselves, always.

~ PAUSE and consider. Get calm then clear on what the next step is or the big picture is or what they hope for and intend. Equally, to give themselves a bit of grace as they struggle with just what their next step is. To take that break when their buttons are pushed. To be intentional in what they do–no matter how what they do turns out. Being intentional is a huge strength. Pausing grows this ability.

~ Love, fully. With open arms and hearts. To miss those they love. To ache for them, rejoice in them, be confused by them, find ways to be connected no matter the distance. To be vulnerable in their love. To share their love. To love themselves. That’s hard at times, to love ourselves. We are so quick to judge when really, we need to *just* love and accept, to be comfortable in who we are today; empowered to grow ourselves for tomorrow.

~ Risk. Step out of their comfort zone, try on new things. To be uncomfortable AND confident. To be willing. What a way to grow! Their courage is something I admire, for in so many ways I never had this courage. I have been inspired by theirs.

~ Trust. Each other, us, themselves, the path life presents them. To see them lose, have to let go and still know, with a growing certainty, that if they just re-adjust what they are looking at or where they look, another door will open or is already standing open awaiting them. Always. That opportunity is always there for the taking–sometimes it is just that we have to re-frame what life brings. This trust? It is baseline.

~ Laugh! The light-hearted humor they weave through their lives is something else I truly admire–from letting it help them through the tough times to reaching out to others to help lighten their load. A gentle humor; a laugh-until-you-cry humor. It goes a long way…

~ Be independent. Taking charge of their lives. Deciding for themselves what feels right, good, productive, helpful, kind, loving, important. And then doing it. Standing certain in those decisions. And again, always be willing to let go…and continue trusting just where the Universe is leading them.

And you know what else I admire and am proud of? That both my girls want to spend time with me and their dad. They turn to us as the resource we always intended on being. They are open and honest with their thoughts and feelings. When we come together as a family JOY is the over-riding experience. Yes, we get tired of each other. yes, we get frustrated. Yes, our girls seem to always win at our favorite board game (Ticket to Ride!) AND remind us of this often. Yet JOY is still the over-riding experience…I can tell, because we always look forward to the next time we all get to be together (and play more games).

This I am grateful for. Deeply, deeply grateful. May they carry this JOY forward into their friendships and future families.

I am proud to be their mother. I feel blessed, grateful, inspired by them. I think one of the most important ways I’ve grown by being their mother is watching their creative, courageous selves embrace their journeys no matter the bumps and struggles and successes. It has helped and is helping me do the same…

Helping me to stand by what I know is right, good, and healthy for my family and all children no matter what someone else or something else dictates–our society, our culture.

Helping me to strengthen my PAUSE, let my patience step up, and wait and LIVE in the uncertainty that often defines our parenting journeys, our lives.

Helping me to stand in my integrity and practice all that I think, feel, believe–no matter the hard. My girls are watching and this is important to me.

What a team we are.

And I miss them as we again and again part ways to live our lives…and equally I look forward to being together once again.

Today, tomorrow, every day–take time to really look at your children no matter their age. Notice what they are working on, how they approach things, when they show their independent selves (even when you wish they would JUST LISTEN to you). Look for those moments of care and kindness and respect and focus and hard work and sharing of feelings and humor and all those qualities key for growing into the whole and wonderful beings we hope for.

Find Alice’s books here!

And then let them know what you see…let them know when you notice just what you’d like MORE of for what we focus on? It grows.

Then tell them you feel blessed and grateful to be their parent…

Happy Mother’s Day. And to my daughters, Happy to BE your Mother today and every day

Alice (AKA mom).

Author and Parent Coach

©2019 Alice Hanscam

Appreciate Your Child!

April 1, 2019 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Healthy relationships, Noticed and Appreciated Comment

What could be different if we ‘just’ appreciated our child–right now, as they are, who they are, no matter what they are doing?

Instead of trying so hard to make our child into something WE want, what could be different if we welcomed, embraced, accepted, walked alongside them, showed them rather than forced, pushed, changed, stood over them trying to get them to do it our way…the ‘better’ way…the less-embarrassed-way…the way that makes US proud?

PAUSE today and look for something you can appreciate about your child–no matter how they are choosing to behave. Intentionally look. Maybe it is:

…how strongly they stand in their conviction (vs seeing them as stubborn and rebellious)

…how your teen chooses to buy only 2nd hand clothing (despite the fact they spend so much money doing so)

…the effort your little one made to wash their hands, even if their face is still covered with sticky stuff

…how freely your child lets you know how they are feeling…especially in public places… 🙂

…how your little one is working hard at becoming more independent (yes, via lots and lots of testing!)

…how they save their biggest upset just for you–a sign of feeling truly safe with you.

…how they slept in their own bed for an entire hour (rather than getting totally disgruntled over the continual wake ups the rest of the night!)

…how they got 50% of their spelling test correct, rather than initially bemoaning that they failed.

...how creative they can be with their clothing choices (even as you cringe over the outfit put together…)

…how kind and caring they are as they, once again, stop your progress on your adventure to pet another critter, talk to a baby, help a child who is sad, rescue a worm from being squished.

…how decisive and persistent they can be as they insist on ‘doing it themselves’ (even though it takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r)

Today, look first for and discover something you can appreciate about your child.

Do it BEFORE (or at the same time!) you stop them, follow through on a consequence, let those buttons that were pushed get the best of you. Let what you can appreciate change how you see your child. Then notice what is different for you–how you feel, how your child responds, how a situation unfolds a bit more positively or less intensely, or how maybe it is just YOU feel better about it all no matter how your child feels.

Find all of Alice’s books here!

And especially, notice how your relationship feels stronger, better, more connected, maybe even lighter and more joyful. Pay attention and appreciate, for what we focus on grows. Let’s intentionally put our attention to all that we want more of!

I think you may be delighted in what shifts.

Alice
Author and Parent Coach
©2017 Alice Hanscam

 

 

Appreciate Yourself

December 4, 2018 denaliparentcoaching@gmail.com Children and Families, Positive and Respectful Parenting, Self-care Comment

A PAUSE today to send out appreciation to each of you as you:

…yet again shove shoes on your uncooperative child to get them out the door with the hopes of being no later than you already are…

…stumble through your day following another sleep deprived night

…choose to let your baby cry safely in their crib for a few minutes while you take a much needed and deserved FAST hot shower

…marvel at your ability to catch the falling glass, rescue the pacifier from your dog’s mouth, put yourself between your fighting kids, and STILL keep a calm voice in the midst of it all…not to mention the gymnastics required to do all of this

…plunk your kids in front of a DVD so you can actually breathe for a short while (and maybe get dinner started…or put your feet up?)

...find yourself heating up as your teen rolls their eyes, shrugs their shoulders, uses THAT tone of voice  

…successfully plan ahead for all potential ’emergencies’ before heading out on errands and to the park–you know, the snacks are made, the extra clothes packed, water bottles filled, baby wipes remembered, your wallet tucked where it needs to be…

…choosing to order pizza or nuke leftovers for the 3rd night this week–maybe with a few carrot sticks alongside. Maybe.

…actually have a twinkle in your eye as your toddler does the testing only toddlers can do

…manage week number three of illness running through your household–more runny noses, fevers, grumpy kids, throw-up to clean up, doctor appointments…and how you’ve put aside any or all of your original plans for these weeks as you focus solely on getting everyone back on their feet. Exhausting.

…open your arms to your wailing preschooler, giving them a safe place to feel their great big sad.

…wonder how you are going to make it through another day of crazy-busy…and then discover at the end of the day you did just that–made it through!

Appreciate your self. Find the gifts in it all–the chaos, the mad, the frustration, the twinkles, the successes, the challenges, the laughter. Appreciate your resilience, your efforts at planning, your compassion. Appreciate the time you carve out just for you so you can parent well–even if that means plugging your kids in for a bit or taking an extra minute in the hot shower while your little one cries.

Appreciate how TOUGH this parenting job can be and that you are still in it, moving through each day, juggling the often overwhelming nature of it all. Appreciate how you get daily (hourly!) opportunities to strengthen your patience, calm, creative, pause muscles. Appreciate the opportunities for do-overs…or those moments you actually stop yourself in the midst of blowing up, pause, reflect, and try again. Appreciate the deep caring all of this reflects–the deep caring and commitment you have for your children. What a gift.

Find Alice’s books here!

What an amazing role model you can be for your children. Know this. And appreciate all your work. PAUSE today and give yourself a hug in your minds-eye. Wrap yourself up in your arms, tell yourself some things you are appreciating about yourself, and cherish YOU.

Appreciation out to each of my readers as you embrace your parenting journey today…

Alice

Author and Parent Coach

©2018 Alice Hanscam